Hangin' on!

Hangin' in there at 10 lbs. I recently have gotten a new spring in my "dieting" step. Stepping up the exercise, and focusing on eating what my body needs. Not necessarily what I want.

Eeeek! Errrrg! Ugh!

Mother's Day was such a great day. My wonderful boys surprised me and took me to a fabulous buffet for brunch. I...enjoyed myself while I was there. To say the least. I mean, it's okay to have a cheat day every now and then, right?  I enjoyed artichoke spinach dip, fresh homemade bread, creamy hash browns, eggs benedict AND cheesecake. Oh. That cheesecake. I think I had a dream about it last night. One of the best things I've ever eaten. Well, as soon as we got home I had the most horrible stomach cramps. I knew it was going to end badly. I stuffed myself silly-- and didn't deprive myself of anything that I wanted to eat-- it was, after all, Mother's Day. Well, I paid for it. No need to reprimand me for cheating and eating all of the naughty things I've been working so hard to avoid. No need to tell me how stupid it was to throw it all away and have to start from scratch again-- trying to get all of those naughty cravings out of my system.

I paid. 

I'm Ready

I can report that I am down 12 pounds, friends!

You know, this journey for me is not just about the weight. I have been on a mission to stare all of the things I've wanted to address for so long but didn't know how right in the face.

It's not an easy task.

• It's hard to change patterns that you've established for yourself. 
• It's hard to change habits that have long been part of your life.
• It's hard to admit that rather than facing all of your "demons" you've been checking-out emotionally.
• It's hard to be vulnerable with people about your shortcomings, but what has been done in the darkness will continue to grow unless it is exposed by the light.

I'm ready for the light to expose the darkness.

I'm ready to stop checking-out emotionally because I'm
too afraid to face what's on my plate. 

I'm ready to find my identity in HIM, rather than the
numbers on the scale or pats on the back. 

I'm ready grow up spiritually.

I'm ready to grow up emotionally.

I'm ready to start living as the person He created me to be.

I'm ready to stop making excuses.

Let's get 'er done.

Yaya

Pounds. And counting.

Eight Pounds Down, Suckas!!!!

Aaaaaaaand She's Back!!!

After a looooong hiatus, I'm back with a vengeance, People.

Can I just tell you about the journey I'm on? I can? Thanks. Well then. It all started with me not wanting to potty train my my three year old. Silly isn't it? Yes. Three year old. Not 1.5 year old or two year old. The boy is three. It was high-time that I put him on a potty. Why did I wait so long, you ask? Good question. Which should merit a good answer, but I simply don't have one. I have excuses, but I don't have a good answer. The best way I can describe it is that I was putting off the inevitable because I didn't think I could take the stress of it all. I haven't been handling stress too well lately. Rather than dealing with what was on my plate...or the boys' behavior...or potty training...I had put off such situations and in stead used food to comfort myself.

Yes. There you have it. Food had become that to me. Food had become my way of coping.

What does that have to do with potty training, you ask? Well, you, with all the questions...facing the potty training helped me to see that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. I can handle this! Are you kidding me?! Of course I can handle this. I gave birth to three huge children of mammoth proportions-- I certainly can take charge of the potty situation. So, that has lead to so many other areas of my life. Weight? No biggie! I can handle that! Why was I so scared? I have no idea. It's silly when you think of it, really. But don't you agree?

And facing this has helped me to look at another area of my life that I've allowed to get off-kilter. The most important area of my life, really. My walk with Him. Rather than running from problems...or "checking out"...or running to food to avoid facing problems right smack-dab in the eye...I'm running to Him. I'm {finally} allowing Him to be what he's always longed to be. I'm starting to see myself in a new light.

Not sayin' I'm there, people. Not even close. But I'm no longer afraid to take this journey.

And you know what? It feels pretty darn good.

Okay...Not going QUITE so strong...

I'm not sayin' I've fallen off of the wagon...but I have hit a few speed bumps lately. Maybe more like pot holes. Really big pot holes...the ones that really rock you...not just inconvenience you. Like, for example, if you were holding hot coffee. The type of pothole I'm talking about is definitely the kind that would make you spill it all over your pants. You might cuss a little too...but then the coffee cools off, doesn't sting quite so much, and although your pants are now wet and stained...you can get over it and carry on with your day.

 Yeah. I'd say that's about where I am. 

Size does matter

 

So, I'm reading this book:

     

I'm on a rather painful chapter. 

Why, you ask? 

Because it's talking about how important looks are to men. Although most of our wonderful decent men would never bring it up all on their own...or even admit it if we cornered them and interrogated them, the sad truth is that men are visual. We know that about them, right? Well...then wouldn't it make sense that if we've put on weight over the years that they have directly been affected? Not that they love us any less...but that they wish to high-heaven that we would at least make an effort. For them. 

Think you're off the hook because you're still the same size as you were when you were dating? 

It's more than just size, ladies.

I don't know how many times I've been guilty of wearing sweats all day and wearing no make-up. If I'm just staying at home, I see no point in "wasting" perfectly good make-up. 

How is it wasting it if I put it on for him?

Strike a chord with anyone other than me???

Still Goin' Strong

I am proud to say that I'm still hangin' in there. Just got done working out with the hubs. It makes it soooo much more fun to work out when he does it with me.

So, remember I told you that I have been using livestrong.com? I love it! Well, there's only one day that I've gone over the allotted cals.

A few of my friends and I have been having weigh-in every two weeks to keep us accountable to one another. It makes you want to be good when you know you're going to have to stand on that BLOODY scale in front of your friends! Well, Tuesday was our weigh-in. I can report that I'm TWO POUNDS LIGHTER.

It's a process. A slooooow process...but I'm getting there.

Thanks, Girls for your encouragement!

Okay. You caught me red handed. I've been avoiding this blog like the plague. There. I said it. I've been finding all kinds of things to do other than update you all on my eating habits.

Here's the thing. Really...I can explain! It's not my fault! It's Carson's! He just had to have a birthday! You know... I just threw Cade's birthday cake away because I couldn't stand the sight of it anymore. It was always there. Tempting me. So, I pitched it. Stupid cake. Trying to make me fat! The nerve. Then, Carson decided to have a birthday too...and being the good mommy I am...you know...I decided he could have a cake too. And, might I add...Cade's cake was chocolate. My. Favorite. So, I thought I would be this clever girl and order a white cake for Carson. You know...so it wouldn't call my name so loudly. Well...turns out Target's white cakes are even better than their chocolate ones.

Have I told you about Target's cakes? I mean, have I told you about Target's cakes? Those little suckers are pretty darn delish. Try saying, "no thanks. I'm full" to that Target cake. That darn white cake. It's going to be the death of me. The death of me, I tell you!

Did I happen to mention that my in-laws came to help my little guy celebrate his special day? And did I also happen to mention the fact that Carson occasionally calls his grandfather "Papa Donut" because he has a tradition of buying donuts for the boys (and the rest of us) every time they come. And if I did in fact  mention the a fore stated facts, did I also explain that donuts are my favorite thing in the world. Apart from Target cake, of course?

So, you see, it's not my fault that I've completely blown my diet lately. It's that Carson's fault.

* I can report however that although I did not work out last night, I did work out tonight!

Emotional Success

I am 110% an emotional eater. Today was a hard day. It was a haaaaard day. For starters, Tiegie-Baby has been sick. He's been running a fever and just wanted me to hold him. all.day.long. That would have been fine, except I really needed to focus on something today. You see, we're planning a trip to TX to finally meet my little nephew, Jack. Well...long story short, the ticket prices jumped up over night, and I had to figure out which ones to buy-- PRONTO before they went up even more.

Buying tickets is one of my least favorite things. Seriously There's so many factors when traveling with kids. You have to take into account nap times, bed times, when they wake up, how long the flight is, whether or not there is a layover, how long the layover is...  and then there's the drive to my parent's house from the airport. It's about 3 hours. That's a loooong day for three tired boys.

So. Today could have easily been a disaster for me. Trying to buy these darn tickets with a sick kiddo and two rambunctious well kiddos.

But (drum roll, please), I did it! Yes, I did.

Not too shabby

Between my housework and working out today, I burned over 500 calories today. Yes, I did.

Doing...alright.

Well... I know you're all just on the seats of your chairs, just waiting in anticipation for me to write about my journey. Ha. I'm doing...well....okay...pretty good. Not fabulous. But not horrible. I love the P90 thing. doing that with Chris has been a huge motivator for me. Also, livestrong.com has given me so much support. Just a great tool to use to help count those horrible calories. Also being able to track my activity is pretty cool. It makes me feel like I'm really accomplishing something!

So. That's where I am. I could certainly be doing better. That's for sure. But I could certainly be doing worse. That's for dang sure!

Food

What to eat for dinner???? Hmmmm.... I haven't been shopping. There's no food in the house. It's hard to eat right on days like today!

OUCH!

Seriously?! Today, during day TWO of P90...and I threw my back out doing yoga. Stupid piece of CRAP!

Check out this site!

I found THE coolest website!!! If you're trying to get healthy/ lose weight, go to

www.livestrong.com

You can track your calories, (even when eating out), and it keeps track of how much you eat everyday. It brakes it down and shows you how many calories you have left for the day!

Wooohooo! Now we're talkin'! =)

Sooo...I need 1700 calories a day to lose weight. I'm off to a great start today. If only Cade's birthday cake wasn't calling my name. I think I can, I think I can...


Breakfast:   1 slice wheat bread
                                         1 T peanut butter
                                         1 cup 1% milk


Total cals: 260




Lunch:  2 slices of pizza
                             1 piece of Cade's birthday cake 


Total Cals: 790


Ugh. I totally blew it at lunch! BUT, I didn't blow it for the day! I can still finish the day off under my goal. 

Time

It's time to face my demons. It's time to change. It's time to get healthy. It's time to get my HOT body back. Not even sure I remember that body. It's here somewhere.

Yesterday Chris and I started P90.
Day one down.
89 to go.

New Body, here I come.